Dear people in my past (both distant and recent),
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I let my pride get in the way. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Even if I don't know that I did, or if I was too stubborn to admit my faults. If I've done anything to taint your view of what a good Christian should be, have mercy.
I come to you today tired of my mistakes and realizing that, I'm human, and fall short. I am a work in progress. I will be until the day I die. I will trip, and stumble. On my way down I may reach to catch myself and end up giving you a black eye.
With my birthday quickly approaching, I reflect back on the time that has passed. I realize I've not been the best I could've been. At times, I've been deplorable. My apologies to you for any wrongs I've committed against you. By God's grace and mercy, I've found my path.
Pride is a great tool of Satan. It goes hand in hand with justification. Oh, the dangers of being able to justify anything and everything! Humans are experts in the area, are we not?? At times I've told myself that I shouldn't apologize because it was your fault. Or I hadn't really done anything wrong. There is also the classic, "I'll just stop talking to you and pretend it didn't happen". I can be a coward!
I also owe apologies for, poking my nose where it didn't belong, judging, being stubborn (not in a good way), and letting you down. I've been immature and impatient. I have misjudged your motives, been cynical, and honestly been afraid to let you get close and open up to you.
I'm trying my best to follow Gods plans for my life and realize that He really does know what he's doing and doesn't need my "help". I apologize for being who I was. I'm changing though, and always striving to be moving in a God-ward direction. God really can take the biggest disasters and polish them up and make them beautiful and useful. I'm learning what it means to fully commit.
So here it is, staring you in the face. I'm asking you to forgive me. I learned a couple of years back, when someone hurts us, the hurt is ours. We must choose what to do with it. We cannot sit and wait for an apology. The hurt is ours to make into something healing or something destructive. I've forgiven the ones that have hurt me. I feel convicted to extend an open apology to those I may have hurt.
I'm placing my heart out here for you. I want to be more like my Lord everyday. I want you to see that I stumble, but also that God's grace picks me up and I move forward.
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Friday, January 1, 2016
This day.
This day. If I can make it through THIS day.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles." Matthew 6:34 ESV
Life is a complex series of twists, turns, surprises, disappointments, joys and troubles. Anyone out there feel your chest get tight or that sinking feeling in your stomach if you try to think beyond today? I do. I try hard to apply the above verse to my life.
There have been days when my worries have taken me all the way into my children's adulthood! I have to snap myself out of it and remember that the bible tells me I can't accomplish ANYTHING good by worrying. (Luke 12:25) Nope. Notta. Nothin'. Zilch. Zero. Zip.
Events in my life have underscored the above truths. Worry is a poison. It is what I like to call a "justifiable sin"in our world. Not that it's truly justified, but we've made it socially acceptable. Shame on us. We are becoming more and more acclimated to our own standards rather than God's. We worry about every little thing. It's interesting that in a world so full of technology, it only seems to multiply the things we can worry about! We live in a world of information overload.
I'm actually learning (slowly) how great of a peace it brings to "let go and let God". Truly, it is. I used to worry so much more. I used to believe that I was a bad person if I didn't worry about everything. Not joking. Who's going to balance the nations budget? What if that comet coming towards our solar system hits Earth and we go into an ice age? What if someone steals my identity? What if my child isn't potty trained before college?? So many possibilities to worry over! Now when I say worry, I want to make it clear that I understand that there is a different (it's a fine line) between concern and outright worry.
The strange thing I've found is that I really have some things to be concerned about right now, and yet I honestly feel more at peace than I have in a long time. I've had a surprising amount of people tell me their worries about our upcoming journey. Where will you get money? Will you have enough? Where will you live? Won't it be dangerous? What if you regret it? What about the kids education? What if you have health problems? What if it doesn't work? On and on and on the questions/worries go! While I don't have answers to all of these, I have some answers. More importantly though, I am trusting God to help us figure it out. We are going to work hard and fully commit our lives to the kingdom. I believe that things are going to be difficult but so very worth it. God is faithful, is He not? He has is eye on the sparrow, knows how many hairs are on my head and watches over us all. I am willing to take risks in this life, because I know what is waiting after this life is passed.
Worry is lending tomorrow's possible problems today's time and energy. Guess what? We don't get that time and energy back. We must not squander these! What peace and freedom there is in letting God take control! We can do our part, and once our part is done we must be willing to hand it over. I encourage you to read Mathew chapter 6 and take it to heart. Meditate on God's word. God is so faithful, yet we want to put Him in a tiny box and do it ourselves. It won't work. God will not be contained.
This week I challenge you to something difficult but rewarding. Every time you find yourself worrying over something beyond your control, pray. Say a prayer and let God know you're handing your worry to Him. He WANTS you to take your burdens to His feet. At times I visualize wrestling a black cloud, stuffing it in a box and physically laying the box at the feet of my Lord. It can be a very powerful image if you really put your heart into it. Now, when Satan tries to entice you to take control of the worry again, remind yourself that it's not yours to fret over. I know this all may sound cheesy, but it really helps me. I find myself asking, "100 years from now, will this matter?". "I gave this to God, it would be rude to take it back!" It sounds crazy, I know! Just give it a shot. Just one week, try to be aware of your thoughts. It will be tricky, but I think you'll enjoy the results.
We are God's people! Are we not supposed to be shining examples of his love? Consider the possibility that at the root of worry is fear. What have we to fear? According to the world, there is much to fear. I do not serve the world though. In 2 Timothy 1:7, we are reminded that God did not give us a spirit of fear. We serve an almighty God, and it's high time we acknowledge how awesome
our God truly is.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles." Matthew 6:34 ESV
Life is a complex series of twists, turns, surprises, disappointments, joys and troubles. Anyone out there feel your chest get tight or that sinking feeling in your stomach if you try to think beyond today? I do. I try hard to apply the above verse to my life.
There have been days when my worries have taken me all the way into my children's adulthood! I have to snap myself out of it and remember that the bible tells me I can't accomplish ANYTHING good by worrying. (Luke 12:25) Nope. Notta. Nothin'. Zilch. Zero. Zip.
Events in my life have underscored the above truths. Worry is a poison. It is what I like to call a "justifiable sin"in our world. Not that it's truly justified, but we've made it socially acceptable. Shame on us. We are becoming more and more acclimated to our own standards rather than God's. We worry about every little thing. It's interesting that in a world so full of technology, it only seems to multiply the things we can worry about! We live in a world of information overload.
I'm actually learning (slowly) how great of a peace it brings to "let go and let God". Truly, it is. I used to worry so much more. I used to believe that I was a bad person if I didn't worry about everything. Not joking. Who's going to balance the nations budget? What if that comet coming towards our solar system hits Earth and we go into an ice age? What if someone steals my identity? What if my child isn't potty trained before college?? So many possibilities to worry over! Now when I say worry, I want to make it clear that I understand that there is a different (it's a fine line) between concern and outright worry.
The strange thing I've found is that I really have some things to be concerned about right now, and yet I honestly feel more at peace than I have in a long time. I've had a surprising amount of people tell me their worries about our upcoming journey. Where will you get money? Will you have enough? Where will you live? Won't it be dangerous? What if you regret it? What about the kids education? What if you have health problems? What if it doesn't work? On and on and on the questions/worries go! While I don't have answers to all of these, I have some answers. More importantly though, I am trusting God to help us figure it out. We are going to work hard and fully commit our lives to the kingdom. I believe that things are going to be difficult but so very worth it. God is faithful, is He not? He has is eye on the sparrow, knows how many hairs are on my head and watches over us all. I am willing to take risks in this life, because I know what is waiting after this life is passed.
Worry is lending tomorrow's possible problems today's time and energy. Guess what? We don't get that time and energy back. We must not squander these! What peace and freedom there is in letting God take control! We can do our part, and once our part is done we must be willing to hand it over. I encourage you to read Mathew chapter 6 and take it to heart. Meditate on God's word. God is so faithful, yet we want to put Him in a tiny box and do it ourselves. It won't work. God will not be contained.
This week I challenge you to something difficult but rewarding. Every time you find yourself worrying over something beyond your control, pray. Say a prayer and let God know you're handing your worry to Him. He WANTS you to take your burdens to His feet. At times I visualize wrestling a black cloud, stuffing it in a box and physically laying the box at the feet of my Lord. It can be a very powerful image if you really put your heart into it. Now, when Satan tries to entice you to take control of the worry again, remind yourself that it's not yours to fret over. I know this all may sound cheesy, but it really helps me. I find myself asking, "100 years from now, will this matter?". "I gave this to God, it would be rude to take it back!" It sounds crazy, I know! Just give it a shot. Just one week, try to be aware of your thoughts. It will be tricky, but I think you'll enjoy the results.
We are God's people! Are we not supposed to be shining examples of his love? Consider the possibility that at the root of worry is fear. What have we to fear? According to the world, there is much to fear. I do not serve the world though. In 2 Timothy 1:7, we are reminded that God did not give us a spirit of fear. We serve an almighty God, and it's high time we acknowledge how awesome
our God truly is.
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