Be careful what you pray for.....

Monday night I lay in my bed crying. I had reached a low point. My weight has continued to climb despite my efforts. I was at my wits end praying that God would give me a way. I told myself that if God gave me direction on this I would follow it, no matter how difficult or crazy. I prayed for help because obviously whatever I was doing wasn't working and now I had to rely on God(Prov. 3:5-6), as I should've done from day one.
I kept telling myself I was relying on God. I kept building the illusion that I had everything under control. I didnt and I don't.
Lately life has been dealing us one blow after another and I can scarcely catch my breath. Things going wrong with the house, storms, illness, injury, debt, and so on. I tend to take all my worries and focus my frustration at my personal faults, such as my weight. So with all of this going on I was zeroed in on my weight. I tip the scales at 242 lbs, so it was an easy target.
Well, Tuesday afternoon I had an appt. with my neurosurgeon. I always dread going to see a doctor, they are expensive, you have to be weighed, and they take one look at you and think they know who you are.
I arrived at my doctors office with my kids in tow. We waited in the waiting area for quite a while. Finally we were called back.
We sat in the room and waited. Then the doctor came in. He was a thin, short man with snow white hair and a cheerful bounce in his step. He whirled into the room and greeted me and my kids. Then he sat down at a small countertop in the room. We talked about my migraines and my family history. We also discussed the calcium in my brain. Then we turned and looked at me and said that we needed to discuss my weight.
I felt my face get hot and a lump form in my throat. I hate having my faults pointed out when I am TRYING to fix them. Actually I hate having my faults pointed out at all. I think most people would feel the same. I felt tears welling up and my throat ached. I was only half listening to him. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I didn't care.
As I sat there fighting back tears of hurt and pride, I remembered my prayer. I had asked for this very thing. This wasn't how I expected it but is it ever? How often do we look the answer to our prayers in the face then reject it? I fought back and swallowed my pride and prayed for the strength to listen and be kind.
The doctor was being gentle with his comments. He wasn't frustrating like when you've gained 50 lbs and people claim they can't tell. He wasn't accusing like I had never tried to change. He was forward, informative and sympathetic. It was amazing.
I listened carefully and he wanted me to get a book that he wrote and read it, then follow it. He told me some of the ideas of the diet, or non-diet as he called it. I have to eat mostly fruits and veggies. Some beans, nuts, and whole grains. The tricky part is NO MEAT. So I have to become a vegetarian. No dairy, processed foods and no oils either. So I can expect to be growing a fluffy white tail and long ears any day.
This is what I asked for. It is going to be SO HARD. I said I would do it though. I asked, God answered and now I have to act on it. I will update you on how it goes. Even though it will be really hard, if it works, it will be worth it.
God hears our prayers. He answers prayers. It is up to us to listen and watch for the answers. When we see them, we must act on them, even when its not the answer you were expecting. What are you praying for?

Dissatisfaction guaranteed. Results may vary.

I've been thinking a lot lately about weight and health issues (wonder why...). I long for a good walk outside or some form of exercise. Yet, as you know it's still a few baby steps off in my recovery. In the meantime, I've been subjected to self-torture, looking up ways to work out and be healthy and loose weight. I go back and forth about it all the time. I ask "Why can't I just be happy with myself?". Really, when I dig down a few layers to where it starts to hurt, I know why. It's not because I want to be a super model or sport a bikini (NEVER!!). No matter what a persons size, modesty is a MUST. My body is a direct result of MY actions. Beyond that, my body is a tool. God gave me THIS body to care for and use to serve him. If we are given a tool for a special task, should we lay it on the ground and let it rust or subject it to unnecessary abuse? Or should we oil it, care for it, and USE it?

Now hold on though. YES, there are limitations. I don't necessarily mean everyone should go out and start running marathons. That just can't happen. However, you can eat healthy. Some have physical conditions or illnesses that put limitations on their physical bodies. You can take care of what you have though. I have been blessed with good health and I feel more is required of me because of this.
This truly is one of my struggles. It causes me to sin on many levels. When i struggle with emotion, do I turn to food? Do I lust for food? Gluttony is not a joke, friends. When the next church potluck comes and people are being tempted to over indulge, think about it. We joke about how we like our food in the church, but it is no joke. I believe the devil uses food to physically impair many saints so they cannot serve as they should be able to. It tires out our bodies to carry around more than they were meant to. And our bodies crave pure fuel. Yet I eat to satisfy my mouth and not my body. It's a needs vs wants. This does not just apply to us larger people. If someone is thin it does not mean that they are healthy.
God had blessed us with so much. Will we not use what we have been given? This temporary loss of physical freedom has struck me. We don't miss walking....until we can't.
Like everything in life there is a balance. We must take care of our bodies. Our bodies are the dwelling place of the Holy spirit. When was the last time we dusted, vacuumed, or took out the trash? Our souls need to be kept as well. We should not be so consumed with our bodies that our souls suffer. We must feed our minds and souls pure fuel as well. Is our soul on a "fast food diet"? Do we just take in bits of spiritual nourishment as we find it laying around, when it's convenient for us? Or do we feed our souls a steady diet of the word of God, fellowship, and good works?
One will be much easier than the other. This does not make it the best.
The path ahead of me is not easy. I've struggled with my thyroid and other health issues the past year. I must steer my feet in a new direction. If I care for my body it will help me care for my soul and vice versa.
We are all dissatisfied with our bodies at some point. Let's use it as a stepping stone and not a stumbling block.
Tomorrow is too far away. Let us start on a better path today.