Child-like

Well, it has thus far been an interesting week. My son got his first bee sting at school Tuesday. He got stung on his finger and it started swelling right away. Tonight I took him into urgent care to be seen because even though he has been on Benadryl and had an ice pack and had motrin....the swelling got worse. His fingers started turning purple. So he was loaded up with steroids and sent home. My six year old is a bottomless pit already, so it should be interesting to see how the steroids affect his appetite.

Speaking of my son, I wanted to share something with you. On Sunday we had the joy of watching a new sister baptized. I held Gabe in my lap and thou he has seen it before he asked what was going on. I told him she was getting her sins washed away. He watched with great interest. After she arose from the water we all rejoiced and sang a song. The baptistery in our congregation has windows on either side so sunshine reflects on the waters throughout the day. Gabe pointed vaguely in a direction and asked, "what's that"? After trial and error and slight frustration on his part I figured out what he was pointing at. He was pointing to the reflection on the wall of the water that was still rippling slightly. I explained what it was, light, reflections, all that. He looked at it hard for a second and said, "but what are those wiggly things"? He was referring to the lines the ripples made in the reflection. I told him it was ripples in the water. He said he thought it was her sins in the water. Oh, the joy of children! I smiled and kissed him. I hugged him. I told him he could be right.

Is it any wonder we are to be as children? The pure matter-of-fact faith. The innocence. We adults complicate things so much at times. Often we need to take a step back, and simplify. I learn so much from my children. I think of how we are Gods children and how He must feel at times about the way His children act. I am by no means a perfect parent. But God is. So, we all have the perfect parent in a sense. When my kids sulk, when they don't get what the expect or when I try to convince them that XYZ will hurt them and they argue with me, I think of how I act towards God. Do I rebel and feel the need to prove Him wrong? Do I think I know best? Do I trust Him to care for me? Do I get sulky when I don't get what I expect? Do I try to reason with him or argue His ways? It all makes you go "hmmm", doesn't it?

This week I hope you take a step back and simplify. Reflect on your attitude, and make positive changes. Above all love God, and love your family.

Addicted

Ugh. Addictions. There are so many different kinds. Some are good, some are bad, some aren't really either. One thing I'm addicted to is pinterest. It is a great resource for the crafty/resourceful. You can find out how to make things from junk to save time and money or you can find great recipes. If you choose, you can just sit there and dream while looking at pictures of things that you find interesting.
Another addiction I have is doing. Doing? Yes. Simply the act of doing something. I feel like I'm wasting time if I'm not doing something. Relaxing to me is researching more things that I can do with my time!
This whole healing process is going to drive me nutso!!!! My leg hurts pretty bad from the angiogram. I have a dark purple bruise on my leg that takes up an area larger than both of my hands. I also feel like I'm always on the verge of a headache. This has to be one of the most challenging and frustrating things I've ever gone through. I feel like I'm not healing as fast as I could be. Maybe I should spend the entire day in bed tomorrow. It would be rough, but if I actually feel better rather than worse it might be nice. I've healed from plenty of other things and been able to push myself and still heal well....but this seems different. I can only imagine the "WELL DUH!!!" people want to tell me. I know how silly this all may seem from the other side, but from my POV I'm actually going through withdrawals! I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I'm craving activity.
On top of this, I'm addicted to food. I want so badly to lose weight. I want to start exercising, and actually try to get healthy. Yet, I can't. If my head is bothered by such mundane activity then I know it will be a long long time until I'm able to actually work up a sweat. I feel so boxed in and doomed. Like nothing I try will work. I keep trying to pray about it but I'm not even sure it's what God wants. Truly, I feel like a child being forced to look at the mess they have made, being scolded, and having to wait to clean it up. I'm sitting here looking at this mess of myself, wanting to start NOW, and God is saying "Wait. Wait until you've taken a good long look and you've actually learned something". It's getting even harder because some of the medication I am on right now is making me gain weight. This only makes me panic. It's like knowing that you will have to pull a person out of quick sand, but having to watch the sink up to their eyebrows before you are allowed to help. It will be hard enough to do, but the longer you wait the more difficult it will be. I'm just afraid of that person sinking all the way before I'm able to even try to reach out....then it's too late.
I'm addicted. My addictions need to be controlled. I'm trying. An addiction really comes down to a control issue. I want to be in control here and I am not. Somethings we do need to have control of. While others we need to let go of control and let God. It's not for sissy's.
I really hope that I WILL learn something from this. I really hope that it won't kill me in the process. Above all, I hope that I will be able to put into action what I learn. Another day down.