Thursday, September 6, 2012

Sticks in spokes will break your bones and words can always hurt you.

As most of you know, I have been following a strict vegan-like diet that my neurosurgeon recommended. I was to stay on that for 6 weeks, which I did. I lost 10 lbs in the beginning then went up and down 4 lbs for the next 5 weeks. I also decided that I was going to start training for a half marathon, next fall. I was SO happy when my six weeks were up for that diet and I could drink milk again! And eat yogurt! It's the simple things you miss.

Today I went for a follow up with that Dr. Today, he threw a stick in my spokes. During my walk/jogs my lower back has started hurting and I've been getting sharp pains going down the backs of my legs. SO, despite my best efforts, the Doc insists I stop all walking and or running until I get an MRI on my back and he looks at the results. ::sigh:: But wait! There's more! Not only did he put the kapoot on my training but he also wants me to try the diet AGAIN, but with new restrictions. Woo hoo! Oh, no I don't think I'm excited about that. In my head I can almost hear the doctor snorting he's laughing so hard.

I got to sit through another talk about my weight. I just love when you KNOW something is a problem and yet people insist on telling/reminding you. It always improves your self image ....not. I know, I know, he's trying to help. That's why I'm going to listen to him and give it my best shot. The worst that can happen is it DOESN'T work and I can tell him with a clear conscience that I gave it my best shot.

So I feel like I was going along and doing pretty good then....wham! I got a stick in my spokes and it stopped me dead in my tracks. It is disheartening. It makes me want to turn around and flip my tail in the air and walk away like a sassy cat. It makes me want to just forget it all.....but I can't. It's not my nature. No, instead, I'll get bummed for a few days, and sulk around the house while I talk myself into not giving up. I don't know when to quit. I feel like giving up trying would be giving up all hope. Even after I fail again and again there is that small hope that drives me on. The hope that THIS could be the time it works.

I am insane. Why? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. That's pretty much me. I like to think of myself as "ruggedly independent" (stubborn). It can be a good and bad quality, it just depends on where it is applied.

I am not giving up. I won't let this battle be won by the opposing side. We all have daily battles. We all have something we must conquer daily. We will keep on keeping on knowing we aren't the only one. Don't give up. Go open your bible and read Psalm 29. Our God is a strong God. He will help us through if we just seek Him.

I'm rooting for you.

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