Monday, December 24, 2012

The night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through my home
fevers were running and and my family was alone.
The plans we had made with family afar
Were halted at once, there was no need for the car.

The children lay restless on the couch with a frown,
They knew Santa would still visit our house, out of town.
And Papa with his laptop, and I with my phone,
Tried make sure to our family, the new plans were made known.

When out of the blue my heart started stirring.
My face grew hot and my vision was blurring.
The eyes welled up, my emotions I tried to smash.
Tears came fast, tissues filled the trash.

The light of the tree on the ones that I love,
Gave a sense of comfort that comes from above.
When what to my wondering heart should I feel,
Something unseen....and yet, very real.

In my heart I knew,this was just something small,
No need to worry, God covers it all.
More rapid than the joy, in came the shame.
Self pity had visited, and I was to blame.

No death, no tragedy, no fire, no famine,
No danger, no heartache, no hate, no salmon (I had to make you smile at some point!!!)
To the front of my mind to the brim of my soul.
Counting my blessings was filling the hole.

As crazy fast typing fingers on a blogger do fly,
So in flooded peace that I'd earlier passed by.
So up to my mind the blessings they flew,
With a praise for The Lord and all he can do.

Then on the couch, I hear a cough and a sneeze,
From both of my babies who were not at all at ease.
As I drew close to them and made not a sound,
They smiled at their comforters, our family hounds.

The oldest was dressed all in sparkles from her head to her foot,
But her smile was missing, and under her eyes, it looked like fresh soot.
To a bundle of energy,I know she'll be back,
When this has passed, for a punch it does pack.

The youngest wash laying, his spirit not merry.
His face was bright red, and he was contrary.
He had hopes of what presents would soon fill his belly,
Can you believe he actually asked Santa for pb and jelly??

They could both be a grump, not quite like theirselves,
And I hugged them and kissed them, held them close to myself.
A kiss from the left and a hug holding tight.
I knew in that moment, they would soon be alright.

They snuggled in close and their ears, they did perk,
When I mentioned that their papa had a few days off of work.
And laying back down and sniffling their noses,
They both smiled big and struck silly poses.

I know we will make it, no need fuss
Christmas will be great, because we have us.
But I will proclaim as I pray often tonight.
Thanks be to God, for making it right.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

This is when.

Tragedy. Pain. Unimaginable acts. Sometimes I wish that God had not given mankind free will. The free will to chose right or wrong. However, God wants us to CHOOSE to love him, and so we have our free will. This place we dwell is earth and evil is in it. We aren't in heaven yet, so we still have the pain of grief, and pain sin can cause.

I have cried countless tears, prayed with passion and asked many questions. Take heart. There is hope.


This is when I know that God is there. When I see millions of people mourning together, putting differences aside. When every day people become heroes. When darkness tries to blot out light and life, but good shines even brighter than before. I know God is there because he comforts those who are broken by this act of evil. God put courage in the hearts of those who protected others.

This is when I know life is short. Priorities get straightened and things change. I look at the stars and know each time it could be my last. I think of all the lives that were taken, and weep.

This is when I cry out to God. When I know there is no other who can heal the damage done, or the lives forever changed.

This is when good wins. Evil won the battle but good will win the war. The sheer number of people, who knew nothing of this small town or the people in it who are coming to the aid shows that good is stronger and will prevail.

This is when I hold my children. I myself have 2 children, one who sat in his own kindergarten class that day. It hit me hard. I hold them and almost feel guilty that I'm so blessed.

This is when prayer becomes every breath. When I pray every other thought for everyone.

This is when we know love. Love God pours out through people. Good people.

This is when I will let my light shine brighter than before.

This is when forgiveness seems so much easier for all those things we have held on to, as well as ask for forgiveness.

My life will never be the same. Let us hold tight to each other and to God. Let us pray and mourn, together. Then, when it is time, let's us begin to pick up the pieces....together.

This moment, and all others, we have hope.

I pray for you and grieve in the deepest parts of my heart and soul for you, Connecticut.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

How to be like me.

I had a friend tell me that she wished she could be like me. I was honored, but at the same time I though, oh you poor thing. I thought this would be silly, and once in a while I just like to throw random things out there that are just...out there. SO here you go. You too, can be just like me.

In order to be like me you must follow these steps. Some are short and sweet and others require explanation.

1) Mess up every day.

2) Find humor in your mistakes. ( Or at least try)

3) Don't do ANYTHING while you are mad, or you'll regret it. (as will others around you)

4)Go to a mom's night out and be worried about your hair sticking up everywhere. Then find a hat on the floor of your car and slap it on even though it is pink and sparkly and you are wearing a dingy mustard colored hoodie and stained jeans. Then at the end of the night take go to the restroom and take your hat off. Realize that there has been a toothpick sticking out of the front of your hat the entire time. Ask the other moms if they noticed and you all giggle as they say 'yes'.

5) Learn it's better to go out with messy hair than grabbing a hat off the floor of your car.

6) Dream big

7) over-commit, and don't get distracted......what was I saying...

8)Worry about things you know don't really matter.

9)Keep a journal. One sugar coated one, and one that will be worthy of a film in a hundred years (dream big).

10)Write random poetry everywhere and never really show it to anyone.

11)Let the battery in your scales die. Bury them (the batteries) in the back yard and convince yourself that in memory of those batteries you cannot replace them.

27)Make mistakes.

12ish) NEVER wear make up because you feel you must.

13) Laugh until your sides hurt about things that absolutely nobody else finds funny. Then laugh harder because people are laughing only because you are laughing.

14) Learn that how you act is contagious.

15) Feel inadequate in everything you do, but feel completed in God.

16)Expose your heart on the internet, come what may.

17)Promise you'll learn to say no......eventually.............. one day..........maybe......sorta.........

18)  Kiss and hug your kids and spouse as many times a day as they will allow.

19)Love God.

20)Be yourself......not me. :-) (because I can't be me without friends like you)

We are all wonderfully created by God. Every detail of who you are has been crafted by a God who LOVES you. I am so glad you are you. I'm so glad that there aren't more of me on this Earth....I'd drive me nuts.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Three thoughts and a cold table

I have been laid up for a few days. I had surgery on Friday and I am just now feeling clear enough in my head to write a post. Yay for mental clarity!

      I don't care how many times you go through surgery, 3 things always come into your mind. #1) Will I wake up? #2)Will I be one of those people that feels everything while I'm knocked out?  #3)Wow, this table is cold! OK, so maybe not everyone has these things go through their mind, but I did. I laid there while they were getting ready to put me under and I was praying. Praying that ok, if he wasn't going to let me live through this, that He would just take care of my family. I got through that part then fell into a deep sleep repeating, please don't let me feel anything, please don't let me feel anything. God, if I must die now, please don't let me feel the surgery.

       The next thing I knew I woke up in a recovery room with a sore stomach mumbling, "It hurts".  The doctor was standing over me using big words and lots of syllables and hand gestures. I kept thinking "who is he talking to??" Then, after a couple seconds, I realized he was talking to me. HA! I could hardly keep my eyes open, let alone comprehend what the Dr. was trying to tell me. He was smiling and patting my hand so I guessed that things went well.

       Later on the next day I was thinking about what went through my head before they put me under. I found it odd that I was actually ok to die, but a panicked thought stuck me. I have so much work still to do. OK, I may not be the the greatest of anything in God's kingdom, but I am a servant. There is so much I still want to do with my life before it is cut off from this Earth. So much I want to teach, live, love, DO! I may very well not make it to a 'ripe old age' but I want to use the days that are given to me to their fullest! I mean I would love to go be at peace one day, but not today.

        Why do we keep putting things off? Why do we get our proprieties so mixed up? We cannot be 'pew warmers' and that's it. If we each did what God wanted us to do, think of how amazing things would be!! What if we put aside our own ambitions and really were Christians with every breath, not just every Sunday between 10-12 am. We cannot put things off! It is a tool of Satan. Satan wants us to think that things will just keep on forever and there really is no end to life. He wants us to think we will have plenty of time to get to things.

          Laying there on the operating table was not giving my life for Christianity or suffering for God but it made me think about these things. If we really want to we can look at every moment of our lives and find a message in it. In our face paced world we need more than ever to take the time to see the things that are being shown to us. What if you had 1 year to live? What if you only have 1 week? What would you do? What passion would you serve with? How much love would you shower on your family? The funny thing is that we don't know how long we have but we all just kind of shove it in the back of our minds with a shrug that says "I'll get to it later." When is later? When will we forgive? When will we reach out? When will we serve God with our whole heart?

         Let us find joy in the simplest of moments. Let us move forward with faith. REALLY count your blessings. REALLY love as Christ loved us. Really.