Be careful what you pray for.....

Monday night I lay in my bed crying. I had reached a low point. My weight has continued to climb despite my efforts. I was at my wits end praying that God would give me a way. I told myself that if God gave me direction on this I would follow it, no matter how difficult or crazy. I prayed for help because obviously whatever I was doing wasn't working and now I had to rely on God(Prov. 3:5-6), as I should've done from day one.
I kept telling myself I was relying on God. I kept building the illusion that I had everything under control. I didnt and I don't.
Lately life has been dealing us one blow after another and I can scarcely catch my breath. Things going wrong with the house, storms, illness, injury, debt, and so on. I tend to take all my worries and focus my frustration at my personal faults, such as my weight. So with all of this going on I was zeroed in on my weight. I tip the scales at 242 lbs, so it was an easy target.
Well, Tuesday afternoon I had an appt. with my neurosurgeon. I always dread going to see a doctor, they are expensive, you have to be weighed, and they take one look at you and think they know who you are.
I arrived at my doctors office with my kids in tow. We waited in the waiting area for quite a while. Finally we were called back.
We sat in the room and waited. Then the doctor came in. He was a thin, short man with snow white hair and a cheerful bounce in his step. He whirled into the room and greeted me and my kids. Then he sat down at a small countertop in the room. We talked about my migraines and my family history. We also discussed the calcium in my brain. Then we turned and looked at me and said that we needed to discuss my weight.
I felt my face get hot and a lump form in my throat. I hate having my faults pointed out when I am TRYING to fix them. Actually I hate having my faults pointed out at all. I think most people would feel the same. I felt tears welling up and my throat ached. I was only half listening to him. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I didn't care.
As I sat there fighting back tears of hurt and pride, I remembered my prayer. I had asked for this very thing. This wasn't how I expected it but is it ever? How often do we look the answer to our prayers in the face then reject it? I fought back and swallowed my pride and prayed for the strength to listen and be kind.
The doctor was being gentle with his comments. He wasn't frustrating like when you've gained 50 lbs and people claim they can't tell. He wasn't accusing like I had never tried to change. He was forward, informative and sympathetic. It was amazing.
I listened carefully and he wanted me to get a book that he wrote and read it, then follow it. He told me some of the ideas of the diet, or non-diet as he called it. I have to eat mostly fruits and veggies. Some beans, nuts, and whole grains. The tricky part is NO MEAT. So I have to become a vegetarian. No dairy, processed foods and no oils either. So I can expect to be growing a fluffy white tail and long ears any day.
This is what I asked for. It is going to be SO HARD. I said I would do it though. I asked, God answered and now I have to act on it. I will update you on how it goes. Even though it will be really hard, if it works, it will be worth it.
God hears our prayers. He answers prayers. It is up to us to listen and watch for the answers. When we see them, we must act on them, even when its not the answer you were expecting. What are you praying for?

I'll rest when I'm dead, ok this is close enough.

I've always been of the mind that I'll rest when I'm dead. I run here and there filling my days with tasks and errands. People tell me that I need to slow down. I enjoy it though. I enjoy the constant work and how things turn out. I like being useful. Who doesn't?

Well, sometimes God likes to throw a stick in our spokes just to remind us of just how much we are not in charge. I just spent the past few days in an ICU. I hadn't been feeling well but kep pushing. "I'll feel better tomorrow", or "it's just my imagination." Well at the point my head felt like it was going to explode and my vision was failing I drove myself to the ER, WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. I was so iconvinced that they'd give me some fluids and send me home that I didn't want to make a fuss and tell even my husband. -Hey, I never said I was being smart through this whole thing.- Soon my husband was able to track me down on our gps phone things. Little did I know that they would actually find something on my ct scan, and soon MRI. I kept thinking "This isn't possible! I'm too busy to be sick!" I what could I do but lay there and be subject to Gods plans and not my own. At points over the past few days I've thought,"ok this is close enough to dead, I'll rest." All the things that I wanted to help with and be a part of went on without me. None of us are irreplaceable in some respects. There is SOME ONE who will teach that class, or visit that person. I found a pleasant surprise. When we feel like nobody else will do it, God shows us we aren't alone. I think part of our pride gets in the way when we stop looking for help when we don't think people can do things the way we want them to, or we just don't think they would be willing. "The mother of invention is necessity." It is a quote I think applies to this. People will find ways to help when it is necessary. Personally I need to learn to say no to things. In a way I am robbing my brothers and sisters in Christ from opportunities to serve. So, I swallowed the bitter pill of pride and people stepped up. I keep wanting to do things and help, it's my nature and it's not a bad thing. But like all things, moderation is key. We can rest but in moderation. We can be commit to help but in moderation. If we over commit we not only cheat those we are trying to serve, but cheat ourselves as well. There is indeed a delicate balance.
We must all strive for this balance. We must not only try to be involved but to delegate and get others involved as well. Directly ask people for help. Ask for a yes or no commitment. Wishy washy commitment isn't commitment.

So, I've learned that I shouldn't wait til I'm dead to rest or I'll shorten the time I'm here to serve. Even Christ found time for himself. He served,he also delegated, and he saved us all. He is working now through us. He is relying on us to carry out His work. He could get it done without us, but he chooses to entrust us with such a great task. We can learn so much from our Master.
These thoughts went here and there and I'm not even sure they made sense, but here they are.