I'll rest when I'm dead, ok this is close enough.

I've always been of the mind that I'll rest when I'm dead. I run here and there filling my days with tasks and errands. People tell me that I need to slow down. I enjoy it though. I enjoy the constant work and how things turn out. I like being useful. Who doesn't?

Well, sometimes God likes to throw a stick in our spokes just to remind us of just how much we are not in charge. I just spent the past few days in an ICU. I hadn't been feeling well but kep pushing. "I'll feel better tomorrow", or "it's just my imagination." Well at the point my head felt like it was going to explode and my vision was failing I drove myself to the ER, WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. I was so iconvinced that they'd give me some fluids and send me home that I didn't want to make a fuss and tell even my husband. -Hey, I never said I was being smart through this whole thing.- Soon my husband was able to track me down on our gps phone things. Little did I know that they would actually find something on my ct scan, and soon MRI. I kept thinking "This isn't possible! I'm too busy to be sick!" I what could I do but lay there and be subject to Gods plans and not my own. At points over the past few days I've thought,"ok this is close enough to dead, I'll rest." All the things that I wanted to help with and be a part of went on without me. None of us are irreplaceable in some respects. There is SOME ONE who will teach that class, or visit that person. I found a pleasant surprise. When we feel like nobody else will do it, God shows us we aren't alone. I think part of our pride gets in the way when we stop looking for help when we don't think people can do things the way we want them to, or we just don't think they would be willing. "The mother of invention is necessity." It is a quote I think applies to this. People will find ways to help when it is necessary. Personally I need to learn to say no to things. In a way I am robbing my brothers and sisters in Christ from opportunities to serve. So, I swallowed the bitter pill of pride and people stepped up. I keep wanting to do things and help, it's my nature and it's not a bad thing. But like all things, moderation is key. We can rest but in moderation. We can be commit to help but in moderation. If we over commit we not only cheat those we are trying to serve, but cheat ourselves as well. There is indeed a delicate balance.
We must all strive for this balance. We must not only try to be involved but to delegate and get others involved as well. Directly ask people for help. Ask for a yes or no commitment. Wishy washy commitment isn't commitment.

So, I've learned that I shouldn't wait til I'm dead to rest or I'll shorten the time I'm here to serve. Even Christ found time for himself. He served,he also delegated, and he saved us all. He is working now through us. He is relying on us to carry out His work. He could get it done without us, but he chooses to entrust us with such a great task. We can learn so much from our Master.
These thoughts went here and there and I'm not even sure they made sense, but here they are.