I have been laid up for a few days. I had surgery on Friday and I am just now feeling clear enough in my head to write a post. Yay for mental clarity!
I don't care how many times you go through surgery, 3 things always come into your mind. #1) Will I wake up? #2)Will I be one of those people that feels everything while I'm knocked out? #3)Wow, this table is cold! OK, so maybe not everyone has these things go through their mind, but I did. I laid there while they were getting ready to put me under and I was praying. Praying that ok, if he wasn't going to let me live through this, that He would just take care of my family. I got through that part then fell into a deep sleep repeating, please don't let me feel anything, please don't let me feel anything. God, if I must die now, please don't let me feel the surgery.
The next thing I knew I woke up in a recovery room with a sore stomach mumbling, "It hurts". The doctor was standing over me using big words and lots of syllables and hand gestures. I kept thinking "who is he talking to??" Then, after a couple seconds, I realized he was talking to me. HA! I could hardly keep my eyes open, let alone comprehend what the Dr. was trying to tell me. He was smiling and patting my hand so I guessed that things went well.
Later on the next day I was thinking about what went through my head before they put me under. I found it odd that I was actually ok to die, but a panicked thought stuck me. I have so much work still to do. OK, I may not be the the greatest of anything in God's kingdom, but I am a servant. There is so much I still want to do with my life before it is cut off from this Earth. So much I want to teach, live, love, DO! I may very well not make it to a 'ripe old age' but I want to use the days that are given to me to their fullest! I mean I would love to go be at peace one day, but not today.
Why do we keep putting things off? Why do we get our proprieties so mixed up? We cannot be 'pew warmers' and that's it. If we each did what God wanted us to do, think of how amazing things would be!! What if we put aside our own ambitions and really were Christians with every breath, not just every Sunday between 10-12 am. We cannot put things off! It is a tool of Satan. Satan wants us to think that things will just keep on forever and there really is no end to life. He wants us to think we will have plenty of time to get to things.
Laying there on the operating table was not giving my life for Christianity or suffering for God but it made me think about these things. If we really want to we can look at every moment of our lives and find a message in it. In our face paced world we need more than ever to take the time to see the things that are being shown to us. What if you had 1 year to live? What if you only have 1 week? What would you do? What passion would you serve with? How much love would you shower on your family? The funny thing is that we don't know how long we have but we all just kind of shove it in the back of our minds with a shrug that says "I'll get to it later." When is later? When will we forgive? When will we reach out? When will we serve God with our whole heart?
Let us find joy in the simplest of moments. Let us move forward with faith. REALLY count your blessings. REALLY love as Christ loved us. Really.